Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
World An Oyster? Who Knows? But One Does Not Crack It Open On A Mattress
I don't need a man, and see many benefits in having more than just one (lol just kidding). If I had to dream one up I guess I would hope for a free yet disciplined spirit I can roll down hills with on sunny and cloudy days, and solve the thorny puzzles of life with while laughing. He would have to help my curious chameleon self in becoming a better communicator (I suck at communicating in personal life), and hope he is attracted to a sweet-talking wise ass (me)... who is playfully evolving into a holy goof ball. He would have to be down for creating the most unpredictably intriguing versions of beauty and truth that anyone ever imagined. Legendary. Oh and he cannot be afraid of getting his nice jeans wet ( a man in sexy jeans is my weakness), when I grab his hand and jump in a pool on a whim. Ahhh last thing, I do not wish to be bigger or taller than him, and he should be fun to look at when he is towel drying. LOL
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Listen To Your Heart
BEFORE
Before my heart surgery the doctor said, "That my quality of life was that equal to a person with cancer". I am still not used to my healthy heart beating so slow. I guess it will beat fast again when I fall in love perhaps. Haha that may never happen. Also I protect my heart a lot more now-nobody's gunna break it.
AFTER
I thank God for allowing me to stick around to catch a few more decades of smiles. I am truly rich...for I have my health.
Count your blessings~not your palpatations. :)
Charger and Kevin
Yesterday I was in a hurry to get some Slurpee’s from 7
Eleven before I went to meet with my client.
It was a warm day, and I knew this certain client and his staff loved Slurpee’s. So I arrived at Seven eleven and parked my
car and noticed a homeless man with his dog.
My heart instantly took an eye and keen interest in watching
this man and his sweet dog. From my car
I watched as he went inside 7/11. Then I
got out of my car and headed into to go get my Slurpee’s. As I went to pay for
them I noticed the man behind me was the homeless man. I paid for my things and noticed as I slowly
walked out that the homeless man pulled every bit of spare change from his dirty
and tattered pocket to pay for this little can of Alpo dog food.
My heart sank; as I walked to my car I noticed how much this
dog unconditionally loved his owner. I
watched as the homeless man walked out of 7/11 with a huge smile on his face
and showed his sweet dog the small can of Alpo.
The dog happily looked at his owner with love as the
homeless man packed away the can of dog food in his dirty back pack. I instantly in that very moment wanted to go
in a buy an abundant amount of dog food for this homeless man’s dog. But I knew that the cans were over priced at
7/11, and that the dog needed some dry food, you know something crunchy!!
I also knew I needed to go drop off the Slurpee’s for my
client so that they did not melt. So I
did just that, and then on a wing and a prayer hoped that by some chance fate
would have me run into this homeless man again.
I knew it was perhaps a long shot because I needed to drop off the
Slurpee’s and then go to Walmart to buy dog food-plus it was raining!! I kept my thoughts positive, and gosh darn it
I was on a mission.
I went to Walmart and bought an excellent bad of dry dog
food, and a few cans of the Alpo. The same
Alpo I had witnessed the owner was already feeding his dog, and on the way up
to the register I also bought the homeless man a warm fresh baked loaf of French
bread. I quickly paid, got in my car,
and I was off to find this man and his dog in the rain. I knew he had to be
somewhere in the area still and I was determined to find him!
I drove around and did not see the man and his dog, and my
heart sank. However I was not going to
give up. So I went to the last place I
saw him which was a produce stand right next to 7/11, and I walked up to the
man at this produce stand and kindly asked him if he had seen where the
homeless man and his dog went.
This man said, “You mean that homeless guy with the dog,
yeah his name is Kevin and well I am not sure where he went he is probably
around here somewhere.” I said thanks
and walked back to my car, got in and gazed at the bag of food sitting on
the passenger’s seat that so desperately needed to be in this dog’s belly. My mind quickly recalled that now my homeless
man was not just a no name…his name was Kevin.
I was like Dora the explorer on crack!! I drove off and was driving through the
parking lot when out of the corner of my eye I saw him, I saw Kevin-score!!! He was at a drive through coffee shop getting
his dog some water in a cup that the coffee shop had kindly given him.
I parked my car and with great excitement walked up and
said, “Excuse me are you Kevin?” He
looked at me in pure shock like how do you know my name. He said, “Why yes”. I then said to him, “I saw you buy your sweet
dog some food with all the money you had left and I wanted to make sure you had
some more for him. I hope you do not
mind, but here is a bag of food and some more Alpo for him. Kevin what is your dog’s name?” Kevin replied in shock, “His name is Charger.” I then knelt down in my business clothes with
a big smile on my face and I said in a sweet soft voice, “Hi Charger…I brought
you some food.”
What happened next caught me off guard. Charger got up from lying down and walked
straight to me and he looked at me straight in my eyes. He looked at me in a way I will never be able
to describe and that I will never forget.
With great excitement and passion I said, “Chargerrrrr you are such a
good booooy”, and as I said that I had a happy tear run down my face and the
biggest smile.
I then stood up and looked at Kevin and I said, “Stay strong
Kevin, and take care of that dog of yours he is a sweetheart”. Kevin looked at me and struggled with tears
and he said, “Thank you so much, so much.
Charger and I make it because we have a strong faith.” I knelt down again and pet Charger on his
dirty head like he was the cleanest dog in the world. I stood up shook Kevin’s hand and then told
them both goodbye, and got back into my car.
As I pulled away I could not help but have a few tears come
down my face because I could feel the strength Kevin had to have to survive,
and I could see the unconditional love that Kevin and Charger had for each
other. Some greater divinity spoke to me
yesterday and I listened, and it was amazing to be guided like that to help a
person in need.
Someday that could be you, me, or one of our loved ones-you
just never know. I did not judge Kevin once,
I did not need to know his story, and I was just grateful God choose me to be
his messenger of unconditional love.
Who are we to turn are head and let time rush us to the next
point in our life, where we just rush and look forward to the next point in our
life, and so on. It is a redundancy that
will drain your spirit. It’s moments like
I had today where I am amazed what can happen if you just open your heart and
eyes, and see what everyone so often pretends they do not see. I did not have time scheduled to go out of my
way to Walmart…I made time, and in the end everything worked out
beautifully.
No one thing can compare to the feeling that one receives from
being the change our community and world needs.
I thank God for Kevin and Charger they gave me the biggest gift
yesterday…they awakened my soul.
May you give like Santa, and spread smiles like wildfire.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Passion Pending
You're looking at me...but I'm looking right through you. Can you see the pain hidden in my brown eyes...others might call it pride? Can you see that I am not satisfied-or do you just see my smile? I can see the truth in your not so little white lies. God can see my soul through his window-pain, he does not judge me and never leaves me to assume. He reaches down with his gentle yet strong hands, holds me and whispers "I love you...I will take your aches my dear, rest your busy head-be strong now-go on...without fear."
They say there is no exact way to tell how and why I had a bad heart. But I know deep in my soul years of pain, worry, and fear broke my heart. I remember so many times where the fear was so thick kind of like a steak that was cooked in the microwave-no matter how much you chewed you did not have any conceivable notion of how you would swallow it:
She wakes up because she hears her son make the sweetest noises from his crib. She is beat tired, and she is not sure what wears her out more. The daily grind of motherhood, or the fact that she lays her head next to a man called her husband every night who never saw her, heard her, or loved her.
She smiles in anticipation as she walks down the hall to her sons room. She smiles because she cherishes that moment when she picks her son up and he instantly calms down and snuggles into his mommy's loving arms. She carries him as she goes in to check on her sweet beautiful daughter who is fast asleep in her cozy. She graces her daughter's soft forehead with the most loving kiss and makes sure she is warm.
She then walks down the hall heading for the staircase, and sees without surprise her husband has not moved an inch. That does not matter now though, what matters is getting her little man his bottle and getting him back to his "sweet dreams".
Her pretty toes approach the staircase and she goes to take her first step down...and then she goes to take her second step down the dark staircase. She is a old pro at this, and has always awoken to get the babies since day one.
But when she went to take that step down she misplaced her tired mommy foot and fell down the whole staircase-baby boy in hand. She grasped her son so tight and did not feel a thing, all she cared about was making sure her little man did not get hurt during her fall.
It happened so quick, but as she laid there she smiled. She was amazed that her son was still fast asleep in her arms, however the smile was because he was OK~! She thanked God.
A few seconds later she realized she was hurt. She was physically hurt and laid crying at the bottom of the stairs...but she was not crying due to the physical pain she was feeling. It was an emotional pain that cut her heart like a knife.
She thought to herself what it would be like to have a husband who jumped out of bed, and come to see if she and the baby were OK-but it was only a thought. She knew that her husband would never get out of bed, and she knew marrying out of moral obligation was one of the most painful experiences she ever endured.
She got up, warmed a bottle, and starred at her huge swollen and broken toe. She sat for 30 minutes feeding her son downstairs with a throbbing pain both in her heart and toe. She slowly got up and walked very carefully up the very staircase she painfully just fell down. When she got to the top of those steps with her sleeping baby boy she saw her husband had not moved an inch.
She whispered in her little mans ear..."I will raise you to be ten times the man your father thinks his is". She limped to put her son in his crib and she tucked him in with a gentle kiss. She crawled back into that cold bed where her husband laid-it felt like hell that bed. She woke her husband.
With teary eyes she said, "Did you hear me and the baby fall?" He turned over and said, "What?". She softly said, "Did you hear me fall down the stairs with our son...I think I hurt my toe really bad." He said, "Oh yeah I heard...why did you wake me up?" She was holding her toe and she said, "I am hurt look at my toe." He said "You're fine-goodnight."
She did not sleep that night and she does not sleep well to this day. The bed is a lonely place for her. Now she is divorced and has been for 7 years. The bed is a place where all the men want to take her, but it is not a place where a man has taken her to love her. To experience her, to play with her, to laugh with her, and to unconditionally love and protect her. She...is me.
I won't let my passion for my destiny remain "passion pending". I am going to own my passion's patent. That story was from 2004. I am happily single and find no burning need to look for love. I keep an open heart, and who knows if lightning will ever strike. I am at peace.
These memories do not hurt anymore, they remind me how much I will unconditionally love and appreciate the right man. The strength I had to tap into to make it here was worth it and maybe someday the next place after that there will be a best friend awaiting his strong, fun, faithful, loving, supportive, dorky, passionate, and happy best friend. Ohh and I forgot sexy! LoL ;)
Would you still love me if you knew all the things I had to survive to get to you. I used to wear my heart on my sleeve-not anymore. My heart can be found where it should be-look there, and if I ever give that map of my heart to a man...well he will know I am going for broke. That he is the juice that is worth the squeeze, that he is worth loving like I have never been hurt before, that he has all of me-forever.
Love will not break my heart anymore, it will dismiss my fears. I love me and I will not waste all I have worked for on a boys. Loving a man is going to be work someday...but if it's not playfully fun and leaning on the edge of legendary then don't expect to catch this butterfly.
With grace in my heart and flowers in my hair~
Cc
They say there is no exact way to tell how and why I had a bad heart. But I know deep in my soul years of pain, worry, and fear broke my heart. I remember so many times where the fear was so thick kind of like a steak that was cooked in the microwave-no matter how much you chewed you did not have any conceivable notion of how you would swallow it:
She wakes up because she hears her son make the sweetest noises from his crib. She is beat tired, and she is not sure what wears her out more. The daily grind of motherhood, or the fact that she lays her head next to a man called her husband every night who never saw her, heard her, or loved her.
She smiles in anticipation as she walks down the hall to her sons room. She smiles because she cherishes that moment when she picks her son up and he instantly calms down and snuggles into his mommy's loving arms. She carries him as she goes in to check on her sweet beautiful daughter who is fast asleep in her cozy. She graces her daughter's soft forehead with the most loving kiss and makes sure she is warm.
She then walks down the hall heading for the staircase, and sees without surprise her husband has not moved an inch. That does not matter now though, what matters is getting her little man his bottle and getting him back to his "sweet dreams".
Her pretty toes approach the staircase and she goes to take her first step down...and then she goes to take her second step down the dark staircase. She is a old pro at this, and has always awoken to get the babies since day one.
But when she went to take that step down she misplaced her tired mommy foot and fell down the whole staircase-baby boy in hand. She grasped her son so tight and did not feel a thing, all she cared about was making sure her little man did not get hurt during her fall.
It happened so quick, but as she laid there she smiled. She was amazed that her son was still fast asleep in her arms, however the smile was because he was OK~! She thanked God.
A few seconds later she realized she was hurt. She was physically hurt and laid crying at the bottom of the stairs...but she was not crying due to the physical pain she was feeling. It was an emotional pain that cut her heart like a knife.
She thought to herself what it would be like to have a husband who jumped out of bed, and come to see if she and the baby were OK-but it was only a thought. She knew that her husband would never get out of bed, and she knew marrying out of moral obligation was one of the most painful experiences she ever endured.
She got up, warmed a bottle, and starred at her huge swollen and broken toe. She sat for 30 minutes feeding her son downstairs with a throbbing pain both in her heart and toe. She slowly got up and walked very carefully up the very staircase she painfully just fell down. When she got to the top of those steps with her sleeping baby boy she saw her husband had not moved an inch.
She whispered in her little mans ear..."I will raise you to be ten times the man your father thinks his is". She limped to put her son in his crib and she tucked him in with a gentle kiss. She crawled back into that cold bed where her husband laid-it felt like hell that bed. She woke her husband.
With teary eyes she said, "Did you hear me and the baby fall?" He turned over and said, "What?". She softly said, "Did you hear me fall down the stairs with our son...I think I hurt my toe really bad." He said, "Oh yeah I heard...why did you wake me up?" She was holding her toe and she said, "I am hurt look at my toe." He said "You're fine-goodnight."
She did not sleep that night and she does not sleep well to this day. The bed is a lonely place for her. Now she is divorced and has been for 7 years. The bed is a place where all the men want to take her, but it is not a place where a man has taken her to love her. To experience her, to play with her, to laugh with her, and to unconditionally love and protect her. She...is me.
I won't let my passion for my destiny remain "passion pending". I am going to own my passion's patent. That story was from 2004. I am happily single and find no burning need to look for love. I keep an open heart, and who knows if lightning will ever strike. I am at peace.
These memories do not hurt anymore, they remind me how much I will unconditionally love and appreciate the right man. The strength I had to tap into to make it here was worth it and maybe someday the next place after that there will be a best friend awaiting his strong, fun, faithful, loving, supportive, dorky, passionate, and happy best friend. Ohh and I forgot sexy! LoL ;)
Would you still love me if you knew all the things I had to survive to get to you. I used to wear my heart on my sleeve-not anymore. My heart can be found where it should be-look there, and if I ever give that map of my heart to a man...well he will know I am going for broke. That he is the juice that is worth the squeeze, that he is worth loving like I have never been hurt before, that he has all of me-forever.
Love will not break my heart anymore, it will dismiss my fears. I love me and I will not waste all I have worked for on a boys. Loving a man is going to be work someday...but if it's not playfully fun and leaning on the edge of legendary then don't expect to catch this butterfly.
Cc
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Check Mate...
I fell like I finally made a move. Like I have been preparing for this move for the last 5 years. Let me be clear...I have not been an utter poltroon for the last five years-far from it. I always kept a vision that someday justice would prevail...even when the pain was more than I could bare. I remember wiping the salty tears off my face and telling myself to "hang on" and keep swimming .
Years ago I knew the ducks in my life were far from being in a row. You see years ago my case against this lackadaisical loser was inchoate and lacked substance-not any more my friend, not any more-"Janie's Got A Gun"!! Ha not really-I am just saying I am locked, loaded and standing strong.
It is simply miraculous how the ducks came to be aligned, and my case is now stronger than a roll of Brawny paper towels.
Today I had a barrage of emotions running through my head, but all in all I knew it was time. My heart has been very lithe in the past with this person, but it's all about timing folks!! The clock just struck anything but lithe y'all!!!
What?? What's that lovely smell? Oh that is just the sweet smell of a freshly baked batch of carte blanche cookies-being served up to me!! Remember in life nothing is more tragic then making the perfect move at the wrong time. Now on the flip side of that coin nothing is so heart wrenchingly hard as waiting to make that move, always wondering if the opportunity will EVER present itself. Well stay strong...you will know in your life when the clock strikes midnight so to speak, and you're called to make that move you have always been to chicken shit to make.
Well let me tell all my imaginary blog readers this; good things come to those who wait-with the right intentions. Let's get real here...case in point if you are a drug dealer aka "bad person" with bad intentions then by golly the only timing you are going to be getting is gunna start with the letter J and end in the letter L (jail). Haha so may you always be with good intentions in life. GO GOOD!!
Today I did what needed to be done, and when it was over I did not gambol about like a child high off some sugar rush. Rather I was calm, collected, and mentally ready to get ready for the storm that lies ahead. The neat thing about waiting to make that perfect move is that your opponent will assume you have forgotten about your best move. Then when they least expect it, you blind side them with your astonishing wit!!
It's like saying without having to say..."I never forgot how all your little moves hurt me, and I know for years you think you have been winning, and I know you did not have the brain capacity to think outside your current move. But after ever time you celebrated your small victories I was planning, praying, and preparing for not victory-but the glory and grace in knowing justice would be served and "peace" would be granted. I never lost sight on this journey of what was important, and I knew this was not a game. If it was a game or for anything short of the right reason I would have done what I did today years ago for the wrong reason. May you always respect me and never be so foolish as to think you have absolute power over me ever again. It's not about you-grow up."
Now to end this blog post I would like to put up a little song that goes out to someone who shall always remain unnamed. Now I have a good heart, and a clean mouth and I know posting this video is well...not going to be to kosher with some of you pickles out there. Hmmm, well to those I say this..
"There is no song that better describes how I feel towards this one person. Perhaps if one knew the full story they would take their hot and heavy coat of judgement off and gregariously dance around with me to this tune. I do not harbor any hate for this person, and frankly I forgive this person for what they did to me. However I am not going to lie and pretend like this song does not put a SMILE on my face. It is a jolly tune with some freeing lyrics. If I lived my life, or wrote my posts caring what others might think then I would be one very unhappy woman. I do not care what anyone thinks...hence the video being post. I am being me, and as I lay me down to sleep I will pray to God my soul shall keep, and if I die before I wake, I pray to God that he forgive me for this tape. Forgive me Lord for the repetitive use of the F word...but I promise to never sing this song out loud, or play it in the presence of children & strangers."
<iframe width="480" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/OK4fJhbRL1g" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
King Me,
Cc
Years ago I knew the ducks in my life were far from being in a row. You see years ago my case against this lackadaisical loser was inchoate and lacked substance-not any more my friend, not any more-"Janie's Got A Gun"!! Ha not really-I am just saying I am locked, loaded and standing strong.
It is simply miraculous how the ducks came to be aligned, and my case is now stronger than a roll of Brawny paper towels.
Today I had a barrage of emotions running through my head, but all in all I knew it was time. My heart has been very lithe in the past with this person, but it's all about timing folks!! The clock just struck anything but lithe y'all!!!
What?? What's that lovely smell? Oh that is just the sweet smell of a freshly baked batch of carte blanche cookies-being served up to me!! Remember in life nothing is more tragic then making the perfect move at the wrong time. Now on the flip side of that coin nothing is so heart wrenchingly hard as waiting to make that move, always wondering if the opportunity will EVER present itself. Well stay strong...you will know in your life when the clock strikes midnight so to speak, and you're called to make that move you have always been to chicken shit to make.
Well let me tell all my imaginary blog readers this; good things come to those who wait-with the right intentions. Let's get real here...case in point if you are a drug dealer aka "bad person" with bad intentions then by golly the only timing you are going to be getting is gunna start with the letter J and end in the letter L (jail). Haha so may you always be with good intentions in life. GO GOOD!!
Today I did what needed to be done, and when it was over I did not gambol about like a child high off some sugar rush. Rather I was calm, collected, and mentally ready to get ready for the storm that lies ahead. The neat thing about waiting to make that perfect move is that your opponent will assume you have forgotten about your best move. Then when they least expect it, you blind side them with your astonishing wit!!
It's like saying without having to say..."I never forgot how all your little moves hurt me, and I know for years you think you have been winning, and I know you did not have the brain capacity to think outside your current move. But after ever time you celebrated your small victories I was planning, praying, and preparing for not victory-but the glory and grace in knowing justice would be served and "peace" would be granted. I never lost sight on this journey of what was important, and I knew this was not a game. If it was a game or for anything short of the right reason I would have done what I did today years ago for the wrong reason. May you always respect me and never be so foolish as to think you have absolute power over me ever again. It's not about you-grow up."
Now to end this blog post I would like to put up a little song that goes out to someone who shall always remain unnamed. Now I have a good heart, and a clean mouth and I know posting this video is well...not going to be to kosher with some of you pickles out there. Hmmm, well to those I say this..
"There is no song that better describes how I feel towards this one person. Perhaps if one knew the full story they would take their hot and heavy coat of judgement off and gregariously dance around with me to this tune. I do not harbor any hate for this person, and frankly I forgive this person for what they did to me. However I am not going to lie and pretend like this song does not put a SMILE on my face. It is a jolly tune with some freeing lyrics. If I lived my life, or wrote my posts caring what others might think then I would be one very unhappy woman. I do not care what anyone thinks...hence the video being post. I am being me, and as I lay me down to sleep I will pray to God my soul shall keep, and if I die before I wake, I pray to God that he forgive me for this tape. Forgive me Lord for the repetitive use of the F word...but I promise to never sing this song out loud, or play it in the presence of children & strangers."
<iframe width="480" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/OK4fJhbRL1g" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
King Me,
Cc
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