Marketing Executive...Marketing Her Dorkyness..

You Talkin To Me?

  Got Marketing?

Seriously...Don't Mess With This Fox. Ha ha

Wow...I Did Not Just Take This For My Blog...Ohhh Yeah!















SMILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One of my Commercials...

This is a long form video of a TV Commercial I did for the Southern Colorado community. If you know anyone who suffers from addiction, this place is AMAZING. These people truly save lives.

Get Ready...

Dear Future Best Friend/Boyfriend,

Hey is it ok if I do this like once a week when I come over to visit you? Ha ha it could be like our thing we can playfully do until the day we die. Well honey wait...your going to get old and we will have to stop at some point. Simply because your frail body won't be able to hold me up when you are in the 4th q. of your life.
That is ok...I know you are down for making some pretty passionate kissing memories. Memories that will put a smile across our faces when we think back and remember how limber we used to be.

PS. I think of you often, and just know God is shaping me up to be everything you could ever need in a woman.

I'll see you soon,
Cc

My favorite movie right now...

Wait let me digress and retract from saying this is my favorite movie right now. It is a tie between this movie, and "We Bought A Zoo". Ryan Gosling's character is so sexy in this movie...really I adore a man with a sense of style, and who sweats out confidence in a non egotistical way. Now his "ladies man" behavior is not one of the traits I adore by any measure.

Well cheers to all the CRAZY memories, the STUPID men in my past, and the LOVE I have yet to meet.


From the living room floor,
C-ya

One Hellicopter Of A Ride

Whisper of a thrill...I have yet to be struck by lightning. I think I just might have to go dance in the rain, lightning won't strike by playing it safe and staying dry. ;)

I Like You So Much...

"Lightning Could Strike.." Ahh how I love this movie.

Listening...The Silent Way One Say's "I Love You"

Do you really listen to those you love? Heck not just those you love...do you really listen to people in general? This is a beautiful example of how one truly listens. I used to be that person who was just waiting for the person to stop talking. I had no retention of the words, and I always thinking while they were talking. I was thinking about what I would say as soon as they stopped.
Now I strive to entrench myself into a conversation, and feel what people need me to hear. Ohhh, don't you worry my dears...I am not a mute now-I still talk. Amazing how rich the dialect becomes when you LISTEN.

Come Again,
Christy

I laugh when I read my blog.  It tickles me pink to know I have this super public website where I pour my heart out and write.  I laugh that I have not one follower, and that I would put money on it that nobody ever reads this blog.

Glad to know this world is full of leaders, and less followers!! Ha ha glass half full!!

Go on now...and keep writing your little heart out!  Write on!

Woof~

I Yonder to Ponder...

I love losing track of time..taking my camera out, and capturing moments that make me smile. :0)

Have you ever felt like you were working on something that was a part of the "Greater Good"? That time flew by when you labored over it, and at points it gave you the chills, made your heart skip a beat, or made it hard to swallow because of the emotion and passion you had invested into it was simply indescribable! I am blessed to have that feeling again. I had this feeling for my children-always have, always will. However the winds of destiny have blown in, and I can no longer let it just be a "maybe someday" whisper of a thrill kind of thought. It is here, has been, and something greater than me wants this done. I never imagined that after my lowest low I would be nurtured back to have the courage to make the intangiable and impossible-possible. Only a fool would sit on a gift like I have been given and say..."someday". My heart taught me about the power behind this 3 letter word..."NOW". I will leave a footprint and inspire my children to do the same. F~L~Y

Heart Times

Amazing is the only word to describe how I feel. To know that my heart truly seeks nothing material, and hopes for the best but is delighted with what I have in the present-IS BEAUTiFUL!! I may very well not get this house, and you know what I will smile because it's just a thing. I have lost everything, and in the past 7 years tasted the darkest days. Skipped many meals just to feed my children, ...and a few years ago lived in a tiny one bedroom apartment because I lost my job and home, and with no help from the father of my children had to start from scratch. The kids and I have not only tasted hard times, we have swallowed them, had stomach aches over them, and lost sleep over the worry of the unknown. I know the hardest times took a toll on my old heart, but not this fixed heart. There will always be worry, but I truly know what I have now. I am aware of what really matters in life. My darkest day was not the day I could not afford to make dinner and eat, it was not when my heart was racing in the hospital at 300 beats per minute and I was alone, it was not the day the insurance lady said "77,000 dollars of your surgery is not covered, but we have payment plans", it wasn't the day my x husband cheated on me, it was not the day (everyday) last year when I wished for more energy so I could support my family but didnt know my heart was failing and couldnt provide that energy, it wasnt when my x husband treated me like I was a ghost that he had not one drop of care for, IT WAS NOT ANY OF THOSE DAYS. My darkest day came after my heart was fixed, and it came in like any other day, but when I least expected it. I was suppossed to be "happy, grateful, and now finally healthy"-but I felt without a heartbeat-literally. I could not process all that had happened, and make sense of this new heart that beat so calm that I could not even feel it. In 2010 there were so many times I faked feeling good, or talked myself through a "heart episode" where I literally felt like my heart was going to stop. Then one day they slow my heart down, and fixed me. I did not hear my own heartbeat in my head anymore, and started to listen to all the things I had buried for so long. It was like one day someone took me back through all the memories of pain, and made me watch and listen to myself discount all the fear and pain. I saw myself laying on the floor huging Grizzly with my life to try to get my heart to slow. I saw myself cry because I felt alone, alone in the times when I needed a physical person to be there. Then my heart slowing and telling myself to get over it. You can only be super-man strong for so long until it catches up with you. I saw all those times where I shut the world out, and wished I had loved myslef more to let those who loved me in. It was those dark days of walking through all the painful memories where I saw what mattered. What matters in life is the sister that has a car in the shop, takes off work, and hires a friend to drive her to her sisters house because she knew something was not right. What matters is the mother and father who answer their daughters lonely call every night, and keep her strong. Telling her they will not be a love she will ever loose. They define unconditional love-and saved her so many times. What matters is being grateful of a mentor that would invest in you even at their cost. A mentor that won't accept fail, and reminds you of your greatness. A mentor that takes bullets for you when you don't deserve them. What matters is the client that smiles and is glad to see after you had to re-schudule after you had to cancel. What matters is the one kiss that you will never forget. What matters is that I got a second chance, a new chance to open a heart that didnt know how to heal after being burned. What matters is opening my eyes and stopping to truly take in and absorb the people in my life who gave so much to help me up. It's so much more than a house for me right now...it's being here in my living room right now, with my kiddos asleep upstairs, and my best friend asleep next to me that matters. I am aware of who was there for me in those "yesterday's" that have past. Thank you...you all have made me a better, stronger woman who believes again.

"Baby I'm Life Sweet Life Itself"

Forrest Gump - Best Movie Scene

Screw having a title of boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife. I wish to all my friends and loved ones they find their best friend. The man or woman who shows up when you need them most...because they want to. That special person who when you find out even the smallest of things...you want to tell that person first.

Jason Mraz - I Won't Give Up (Official Lyric Video)

I thought God was going deaf because he was not hearing me. He clearly is not...and he heard me. I am grateful. It's good to be back, and I will be writing again soon. May you spread smiles like wildfire, and tell those you care about...just how much they mean to you. Write a note, make a call, or whisper in there ear when they least expect it.
Oh...and I am so done with Facebook. Deactivation of Facebook-best choice I have made in a long time.
It's a journey to get back to the place where I smiled a lot...but by God I am almost there!
Carry on,
Cc

PS. Ummm I could write some crazy shit on this blog, I have 0 Followers. Hell I think I am the only one who reads this mumbo jumbo. But that's good enough for me.
:)

High Fidelity Funniest Scene

Ryan Adams - Come pick me up (ORIGINAL LIVE RARE VERSION)

These are still old posts ;)

your glass half empty or half full?



I love when I get comments on my posts, and one of my last posts had just that. Here was his comment and question:





"Is someone an optimist? ;)



What do you think is the difference between a realist and a pessimist?"





Thank you for your question, and here is my response my friend;









We all are human beings. We will believe in some things, and we will doubt other things. Some people have ideals, conditioning, and concepts inherited from the past. You do your best to sort through all of that, and look at things as they come.



The one thing that matters most on this topic is being aware of your own thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, and feelings: just being aware... not fixing them, or trying to be a particular way, or trying to figure out what it all means, or labeling yourself, or trying to define what sort of person you are -- none of that really settles anything. Learning how to be aware of yourself, and your own mind allows it all to settle in a way that makes things much clearer than if you get tangled up in definitions, and labels.





So what do I think the difference is?





Often times pessimist's see themselves as realist's, and on the flip side of that coin I have seen realist's who are often pessimist's themselves! :)





(In good humor)

Pessimist: "The house is half-built" :(

Optimist: "The house is half-finished";)

Realist: "I'm gonna have to build the damn thing" :\





Perhaps maybe a pessimist sees the price, but never the value, and a optimist sees the value, but never the price, and a realist sees the price, and no matter how beautiful the value will perhaps never take the risk of paying that price. :)





For me labeling throws me, but I am honored to have been called a optimist. No matter anyway you language it, the beauty of the world is that everyone is remarkably different.



I know that life is like a roller coaster, or a box of chocolates, or a crop of corn, with that you may never know what your going to get, no matter how you shuck it!!



So...maybe just maybe all of us are a little bit of each of the three at times, depending on what the forecast of life has sent our way.



Life is a classroom, and I am a student of life (usually tardy, if I might so honestly add). I would be lying to say I have always been a optimists, there have been times in my life where there was no hope for me, one pissed off monkey flipping off the world. That is when I thanked God, that my sister, mother, father, or friend was the optimist and showed me the sun on my cloudy day.



All things work together for the good, and we all are so incredibly different. :) I am trying to understand that very thing right now. I do not understand people who are not like me, but I am now finding growth, beauty, smiles, understanding, and enlightenment rather than anger, annoyance, and negative energy with those who are different from me.



I hope I have answered your question, I guess some of my answers in life are not so black and white after all. There is a time for the gray area after all. *smiles*





My friends to you a great day...bar none,

Cc

Finger Lickin Good

Someday... when I skip my happy heart up and stand before God at the end of my whimsical journey, I would have GREAT HOPE that I would not have a single bit of TALENT, SERVICE, & LOVE left inside me, and that I could smile and say:

"I used EVERYTHING you gave me Lord, I was "Good to the Last Drop", thank you!

OHHHHH...and I am SO sorry Lord that I am 10 minutes late getting here! Traffic on Interstate 777 was backed up allllll the way from Highway 666, and geeez I could of swore that I left in enough time- to get here on time!

Ahhhh...I am sorry that "swore" reference was totally a figure of speech Lord, and I really did not use any foul language on my way here- I promise." ;)

God gently pats me on the head and says:

"My sweet child with severe ADD...I knew you would be late, for I was the one who hard wired you with the "Always Going to Struggle with Time" programming long, long ago. But my sweet child...what you saw as a CURSE your whole life I saw as a BLESSING!

For you gave many people the opportunity to have an unexpected quiet moment perhaps to count their blessings, or do a random act of kindness, or say a prayer, or maybe smile at a stranger, and or the opportunity for that person who was waiting to extend their love out to you when you arrived!!!

They then showed you...that they loved you enough to wait for you, or they loved you enough to find grace rather than anger, hoping that you arrived safely with a smile, and most importantly they then ignited your heart with the same contagious love. They made the most out of it-and that my dear is what we all forget to do everyday!!

It is the unexpected moments of random unconditional love that speak the loudest to our weary hearts. That kind of love burns a memory so deep that time cannot touch it.

You see Christy...right before you arrived...ten minutes late...happily skipping up to my pearly gates, you allowed me the opportunity to take a moment.

I took that moment Christy...

and I gently whispered....

in the ears of your children and family...

and I whispered with great love that you were with me now. I wiped their tears, tucked them in with your love and I gave them peace. All you need is love, and all I needed was your love my child.

Welcome home Christy. Now go clean your room-its a mess." :)

It's in those moments when you find yourself slightly or abundantly irratated...that perhaps an angel is opening up an opportunity for you to IGNITE the love within yourself. A love that we all so conditionally and selectively distribute as we only see fit, and not nearly enough. Don't die with your illuminatingly bright light still inside you, and remember that everyone in your life...main characters or stranger's could all use a little more love.

F~L~Y

Use or Loose It, Don't Be a Hog, Better Out than In, Fire it Up!

May you love like a dog and laugh like a baby, :)

Deep Thoughts...

The pursuit of authentic happiness is no easy feat. Some individuals happily choose to keep residence in the safe redundant life they have always known. This life of repetitive behaviors, leaves many to be found on the dance floor of destruction.

Then there are individuals who are stuck in a righteously violent internal war within themselves.

One side of this person is locked and loaded ready to face uncertainty dead in the eye, without one drip of fear. No matter what the naysayers boast. The other side of this internal conflict is the side that finds safety in keeping residence in what they have always known. Sadly this person usually stays stangnant in this complex war.

After all it is safer to swim gallantly where the waves do not break. However, true and absolute greatness comes after you swim through the waves of destruction.

I have been washed up, spit out, and left beat to all hell laying lifeless on the shores of my life. I have not yet swam pass where the waves break, but I have learned many tactics and strategies to finally survive and surpass this bitch.

War looks into the mirror and war looks back out. The consciousness of war can create only war. Until you, or I change the consciousness of war in ourselves, we will live in this internal war within ourselves.

Competition and war sprout from the same source which is external power. The only difference between competition and war is the amount of violence allowed. In war there is no limit, sadly the same story is read for self destruction. When we silently compete, and compare ourselves we plant a internal seed of war within ourselves.

When you are laying washed up on shore beat to hell, and tired of finding ways that do not work that is when you make the conscious realization you need more than just survival skills to break through these waves of struggle.

I would be like Bill Clinton to sit here and deny the truth. So I can proudly say that life has brought me many tormenting experiences that in the past have frightened parts of my personality.

I knew damn well I could not change myself without challenging those parts of my personality I so desperately needed to change. When those parts go unchallenged they go unchanged.

I am the strong passionate woman I am today because I healed those wounds on my personality. I do not need a man to feel good, or a drink, or 3,000 friends on Facebook to remain certain in self happiness I now own. Happiness is a inside job, and I've been workin it.

In life there are never still waters, but you will always remember the epic swim you swam to break through and pass the point at which the waves fiercely break. It will be the battle that defines the path of your destiny.

I would like to close on this...



I have changed who I am, and I attract people with my new values and perceptions, while old friend's and collectives gladly fall away. I feel like I am shedding a irritatingly dry layer of dead skin. It's uncomfortable at times when this layer is being shed. The permanence of beauty of this skin shed, will result in an illuminating and refreshingly healthy glow.

I know there is a saying that goes something a little like this, "Anger only punishes it's keeper." I also know fear keeps close company with pain. I have replaced anger with gentle patience, and I am no longer burdened or attracted to those who ride the "Destination Nowhere Anger Train." I have recently lost what I thought was a dear friend, only now to gratefully see the layers shed have exposed the truth of this person's true colors.

I am no longer attracted to anger, and this person who harbor's rage is no longer attracted to me, because I have no further need of rage...but this person she does. My absence from writing on my blog has been due to many trial's and tribulations I have encountered. I have only a few struggles left, and I take great heart in knowing this too shall pass. I just pray for strength and guidance. The Christy forecast still calls for severe struggle, and a slight chance of pain. But hell, life has bitten me many times before so I ain't backin down!

I have had something very important in my pocket, and it is usually always across my face...so it's about time through these struggles, that I take it out and put it on it's my great big smiling face!

Looks like life dealt me some lemons, I am going to make the best damn orange juice with these lemons and leave 'em wondering how the hell I did it. :)

I do believe a bounty of smiles await me...;)



Bar none~ Cc

Christy Chai...

I was not named after a Tea, and yes everyone pronounces my name wrong!! :) Here is the story of Chai~(This is not written by me, is a true story of how "Chai" found my family)I am asked all the time about Chai...hence this post! :)



Chai “Ki”





Your Great Grandma Chai Lena Clauson used to live on Avenue Two. Someone else that lived on that street typed out a news letter of sorts. Your Grandma has the original copy that talks about the name Chai. The writer uses humor but genuinely expresses his love for Chai. Here is what the write up says:



A Ray of Sunshine on Avenue Two: What’s a Chai? You may automatically rule out all cities and inhabitants of Taiwan, it is not a banquet room at Bing’s, nor does it have anything to do with Yoga!

I can’t stand it! I gotta tell ya: Chai is a “Clauson” (not a pickle, a person). Chai (pronounced “ki”). Chai’s father was a Norwegian seaman who one day, was messing with the mast up high and lost his footing and fell.

Also, at home during this period of time, Chai’s mother was baking bread and soon to make quite a delivery herself.

Okay, back to Dad. His fall was broken by the “Chai” deck resulting in one terrific headache (coming to an abrupt and sudden stop can often cause discomfort such as this). This interruption was far better than crashing to the main deck of the Viking ship, or the Arctic Ocean to be eaten by a great white whale!

Needless to say, the Captain cut the voyage short as Chai’s Dad was real grumpy with a headache. Upon arriving home, he strode through the doorway and feasted his eyes on a beautiful, brand new bundle of joy. He was so overwhelmed by the blessed event that he named that cute thing Chai.

This story is word for word as told to me by Chai herself. I’ve become sidetracked, what was my point…? Sunshine!!

I suspect The Good Lord, himself, beamed Chai right next door to me, and don’t you know this beautiful delightful lady is a delicious ray of sunshine!!! Yes, indeed, Chai has my vote to be “neighbor of the year”.

Better yet… International Holiday, “Chai-day” when all people of the world will smile at their neighbors. With practice we might come to know the brilliance of Chai’s smile. It takes far less energy to smile than to frown. We will have so much energy left over from smiling we will feel refreshed and good with ourselves.

When you’re feeling good with yourself, you cannot feel grumpy and wear a frown. I’m going to take that ray of sunshine Chai gives me and I’ll share mine with someone…who will share theirs with someone else…who will share…etc., etc.!

So if the weather is gloomy and the newspaper reads only bad news or (eech) you spill chocolate milk on your mother’s pretty white linen…go by Chai’s.

Say, “Hi”. Revel in her beautiful smile, and take some of it with you. Take it home and share it, or save it. You can store it anywhere; in the refrigerator, the medicine cabinet, desk drawer, or frog. Well, almost anywhere.

There may be a man in the moon, but there’s a Chai in the sky…I wanted to say “Sun” but it didn’t rhyme. We are the lucky ones on Avenue Two, but we’re not stingy. We’ll share with you Chai’s radiance everyday!

Fondly,

Gib Terrance (Chai’s neighbor)

Hello Again

Today I posted a plethora of old blog posts.  My blog has been down for an abundant amount of time.  My heart missed writing, so here goes nothing.  I just put up some of my old writings, and well maybe I will put up some more later.
Blessings,
Christy

find myself surrounded by whimsical color, magical words, and books full of imagination and playful hope! It's not a desk I am currently taking residence at, no no, it is a little mini bench, and my knees are nearly at my chest while I productively work. I feel like a giant, in a section made for little folks...fun!



The bounty of sheer unlimited HAPPINESS is electric in the kids book section, and as I take a gander over to the adult section of Barnes and Noble...I cannot help but wonder, why can't the adult section be brilliantly alive with color and imagination? Perhaps it is, it is just hidden within the crisp fresh pages of the books themselves.



This is where your curiosity chimes in, and you are actively asking yourself "Why are you working in the kid section of Barnes and Noble?" Well...because like the Google offices have found, a refreshingly alive, fun, and bright environment produces stellar work! :) LoL



Maybe I should give you a realistic illustration of how I ended up working in this rainbow of a section. There I was, cold nose and all, walking in good old Barnes and Noble...with a mission to be super highly productive (Yeah and use the free LE-WI-FI)! LOL



So like most cool cats, I independently stroll over to the Starbucks section which is tragically full of people. Leaving me with no choice but to think out of the box!! Here was my dilemma at hand, you see I had classically left myself with a DEAD battery on my laptop.



Yes, there were a few tables available...I mean come on mid day Monday it was not like there was only standing room at Barnes and Noble. :)



However I was not electrically shocked to find that ever single damn electrical outlet was taken! Man...I thought to myself!! So I had a few choices that immediately raced through my mind:



A. Grab a book, and read (potentially dangerous, I may never stop reading)



B. Leave (grass is always greener somewhere else eh?)



C. Pretend it is normal behavior, and confidently sit down at someones table who is near a outlet and say, "hi" quickly follow with unplugging their laptop, and plug mine in. Then say to them with a smile, "that is soooo nice of you to share with me!!" LoL I have a feeling this is really not something that is socially acceptable. :)



D. Go on "Mission Outlet Impossible!"



So I went with D baby!!! Walking briskly past readers magically lost in their favorite books...I was on the hunt for electricity. Then it hit me like a bolt of lightning...go back to the fun, bright kid area. Ahhhh...thinking out of the box gladly brought me a very nice and quiet, colorful, fun work space.



I pulled up my mini bench, and got straight to work! I have found that it is significantly quieter back here. No loud coffee grounder, loud cell phone conversations, and or hot guy distractions back here! LOL



So now... on to my tantalizing deep and complex thoughts, or maybe I will keep it as simple as peanut butter and jelly today? Hmmmm, I am just not sure what the final destination is for this blog train.



I have had many intrepid thoughts enter my mind lately, and have had the itch to write. (scratching now, lol) See I am no longer soiled in exhaustion, and refreshingly excited about God only knows what!! Maybe perhaps another chance to play on the basketball court of life!



You see moving went well, but I would be lying if I did not honestly share that towards the end of a very long 2 weeks...it got the best of me.



I was like a loaded semi-automatic pistol, and I took open fire on someone very dear to me. Now... this "reactive" behavior is a demon I put to sleep long ago, however I sadly share with you that it woke up it he heat of my exhaustion.



To disclose the situation word for word, action for action would be a tad bit dramatic. Let's just say...it was a phone conversation that went way South. Simply put, I hung up on my very own sister.



It was like the game Jenga, you know how towards the end it is barely standing then the last block is pulled and it comes crashing down. Well I came crashing down, and have learned a great lesson from it. Yeah that's I was like Humpty Dumpty...had a great fall, and all the king's horses and king's men they were nowhere to be found to help put me back together again!! ;)



I have witnessed the unlimited love, and understanding of one hell of a amazing sister. I have also been reminded that you do not text, "I am sorry." :)



Your thinking, well that is not so bad?? You just hung up on your sister? Let's not stray from the fact that it was my SISTER (and her Superman awesome boyfriend with a truck, and tools)who was the ONLY person who physically showed up, and helped me with back breaking work during my move.



She was the glue that held me together during this move. She donated her time to her little sister, and I am eternally grateful.



It was a simple conversation, gone wrong. I was asking for advice on a furniture purchase, we disagreed, and like a match I lit my sister up. I did not call her names... no way, I got emotional and I hung up on her.



For the record it ended something like this, "I love you but I am hanging up now...click" My sister was dead on with her response "Not cool."



Why am I sharing this on my blog? Yes I like to share positive things, and happy stories yet I was reminded yesterday of this very important and enlightening thought:



~WHAT WE DO WITH WHAT HAPPENS TO US IS WHAT MATTERS~



So...for me that means keeping the promise I made to myself when I started this blog. That promise is to keep it refreshingly real, for I am not perfect, and I hope I NEVER give you the idea that my life is all sunshine and smiles!



I will soon write and share the story of me. I am currently formulating it in my head, and want to give it the due diligence of expressing and delivering it very well.



So to tie this into why I shared the story with you of my sister, it is so you know I will sometimes share my weaker not so proud moments in life of the pitfalls of life...just keepin it real dawg! Woof~



I have a determination to take my struggles in life and share them. It is a real, raw, and a wedge of reality that I wish was sliced and shared my way as a young teenager. The principle is simple: Living a life giving to the greater good.



If I have millions at the end of my life, and not made a difference in even just one individuals life then...I say, "What a waste, I have failed."



For me PERFECTION is just another way to spell PARALYSIS. ;) I know my life scares the hell out of some people, and usually the reverse of that coin is their life scares the hell out of me! :) However, I seek and enjoy getting to know these polar opposites, and what makes them tick.



I once said..."I would rather be found in uncertainty, than found in normalcy any day!" :) God bless my restless, independent, fly by night soul.



I love seeing people who are stagnantly stuck in the secure sterility of their life, and watching them throwing a little "Ok, I will try it" out into the wind!! Just like those who are very structured probably love it when they see me secure and planned out. ;)





For I have learned and found unconditional greatness is NOT leaning onto my own understanding, for now I lean to a divine faith with the good Lord. The rock of prosperity and unconditional love that daily triggers and fires nothing but the BEST out of me. (Yet not naive to the fact that I have some bad bullets that may fire, and offer me yet another lesson!)



The good Lord has made his power beautifully clear in my moments of weakness, and has given me the strength and courage to then share my weaknesses and be the change.



Who am I to hang onto my truths...keeping them locked up, hidden inside in a vault called "Shhhhh,." I have done that, in hopes to keep a shiny, clean, sugar coated outer appearance to all who I meet. Other wise known as being-FAKE.



No, no I am turning up the "This is who I am, and this is how I got here" notch in life. The stereo of truth is bumpin baby! :)



When you accept yourself, all your faults and find that unconditional self-love you can shout your demons from roof tops, and know you have traded your vices, for virtues-ya know taking stock in the good stuff! :)



My perspective on life is beautiful, and has been brought to me by the harsh roads I chose to take. I wish to have no definition of myself, ok well maybe one "pretty damn cool." LoL, that doesn't says EGO all over it?! :) LoL



I say, "Set your heart, set your mind, and set your life." Maybe perhaps setting a perspective on the little things in life, knowing that will set us up nicely to handle the big pitfalls.



I have my laptop, cell phone, and tv "settings" all set! Why not get my Life settings, set. I hold the remote in my life, lol, and by golly I am tired of handing it to others, and getting my channels all clogged with confusion!



Maybe it is when I am in between bad times, and good times that perspective gets it's perspective! That shit, is deep like the Grand Canyon baby! I gotta interject a little humor, gotta love the collaboration of intellect with a slice of humor here and there.



Now that, I have probably said the same thing about 10 times, just in different ways...lol I am drawing close to the end. I have a significant apology that I owe to my sister, and have learned a great deal from my temper tantrum.



Form my standpoint, I am far from perfect, but I am perfectly flawed and fine just the way I am. There is always, "sufficient room for improvement", on my "life report card."



Sugar pie honey bunch of smiles your way,

Cc

I closed my eyes, sat still, and found myself lost in a peaceful moment. Negative thoughts, worries, regret, and doubt are not welcome in this moment. This very moment of mental adjustment and atonement has been brought to you by the letters G R A T I T U D E.



I have lost my ground, and my footing has slipped. I thought to myself; Christy why did you permit your mind to dwell in dissatisfaction upon how things were…not. My brain quickly derails of this thought and finds itself seeking to bait and hook one of the many of hundreds, upon hundreds of thoughts that flow through my head.



Beautifully pink luscious lips, illuminatingly bright skin that glows, eyes that permeate a deep and beautiful unconditional love and a smile that would make even the healthiest of hearts skip a beat. She looked away from the mirror and did not see what everyone else saw. She saw eyes that wept out tender tears of pain, lips that craved a kiss from a man’s unconditional love, skin that looked without pigment, and a fake smile that took residence on a face that has always been known for having a smile that could “light up a room”. This girl was me…and I did not like her one shred.



This vague and misty concept of things I want to do, to have, or to become has brought me here. A voice whispers in my head…



“You must have it before you can give it”.



I lost my love, a love that used to vivaciously and passionately beat through the veins of my body. Slowly I dissolved my inner love, and lost all the fizz for life. I felt like a soda left out in the sun, flat and far from refreshing. I used to be so “Just for the taste of it”, and now I realize I had to lose my defining trait-my fizz, to find my effervescent bubble again.



I am ready to go on this journey, and confidently plan for greater journeys. I know that I cannot retain a true and clear vision of success and hope if I am constantly turning my attention to opposing pictures, whether they are external or imaginary. Thanks Mom, Dad, and LoLo (my sister) for being my saving grace. I know I can walk this path of self discovery alone just fine, but I stand in utter gratefulness knowing I am not walking it alone. Thank you for always saturating me with your unconditional love.



This morning my mirror gave me a, “Coming To A Mirror Near You” preview…



Mirror faded to white and I saw a beautiful woman-me and I had my bounce back. I was untouchable, inspirational, loveable, and legendary. I was Tigger again…free to bounce off and find my best friend Poo. Then I caught myself on the edge of my sink waiting for the date into which this would come into fruition, and then a beautifully deep and peaceful voice chimed in:



“Coming to your heart…when you can and will look into this mirror…and see what I created way back in 1981 when you were born, what your family, children, friends, dog, and complete strangers see every day. Believe my child…believe.”



I then replied, “I am going to need that in writing, and notarized.” Just Kidding ;)



So I am sticking a clove of garlic in the ear of life itself, and not with great hope that it heals. But with absolutely certainty that I know it will cure this ache. It may stink like all hell while I micro bacterially kill the infection that has exhaustingly taken hostage of my happiness. However I will learn to accept, cope, and make changes like I have never been willing to make before.



This is me…at my very best I will always be beautifully flawed. I have the spirit and determination of a hungry Indian, the heart of Latin lover, and a soul that wants to give more than the Red Cross. My soul’s destiny is to make a difference and leave a legendary footprint of good doings on this earth. Sounds like I may be busy for a couple of decades…so please leave me a message if I do not answer.



“Alllllll aboard the Randomly Tangent Express”...who knows what brilliant words may follow. I can bet you 10 to 1 that it does not have a horses shit to do with the prior paragraph/topic above though. ;) I love that about myself, lol well learning too. I should really write a series of texts books…kids would stay with the beat of the lesson, and you can damn well bet there would be great pictures. LOL ;)



Wouldn’t that be fantastically astonishing if I could boast about having written this whole blog with my eyes still closed? Well that is simply not the case-I cannot levitate yet, sorry to burst your bubble…but I can promise to never take your fizz. I will be the Alca to your Seltzer baby, the 7 to your Up, and the Dr. to your Pepper.



I sit knowing that the dawn is going to come soon with a beautiful knock, and a gorgeous sunrise will follow. I am relaxed…for now. There is a long road ahead of me (I have checked flights to make this journey quicker-yeah apparently no flights to my destiny). I am far from even taking my first step into this journey, but I know this time I will swim past where the waves break and I will find my dreams…somewhere out there.



I am in the process of packing my bags, and cannot wait to meet my coach who will guide me through the very things I have never understood my whole life. Thank you Mom…for you always ask with great love if I packed my toothbrush, and undies. LoL ;) It’s the small things that I forget, I get so damn excited about the journey that I would forget my own damn legs; my heart just takes off like a gregariously happy puppy fresh off a leash free to explore and sniff butts. Random thought: Wearing no undies gives a person edge, they start there day out of the box-ers, and are free to dabble in the world of spontaneity! LOL



I am going to 401 K myself to bed…that was a fancy way to express my retirement to bed. Close my eyes and remind my heart to live fully in soul, I must have love; and love finds it’s most natural and spontaneous expression in GIVING. (Please give in my name at the Non Profit organization called… Wells Fargo-Just kidding). I hope I gave you a chuckle though, and at least 20 bucks?!



As I lay here down to sleep I feel you gently cool my warm feet, I see you move through my hair, and I hear you when you effortlessly move the sheers (I have no future in poetry…I was talking about the wind-lol).



I am NOW here, and in this moment not lost in a random NO Where abyss. I am grateful that I am alive; alive enough to live with my eyes open and see stars where others see only a blue sky. I am talking about imagination and an open heart folks…not night vision.



Remember…you can render to God, humanity, and your community no greater service than to make the most of yourself. So go make a hot mess of yourself, knowing nobody ever cooked the greatest dish by following a recipe to a tee. Hell you may over cook it, but soon enough you will have the perfect mixture for the world to taste, and only you will know the work it took to get there. Just remember when life gets hard…add butter. ;)



Whip it good…whip it real good,



Cc

Hmmmmm....

Yeah that does not have the same catchy~ness to it like, "Sleepless in Seattle" does. I am just looking through some of my old writings, and notes and thought I would share the ones that caught my attention. Stay tuned RANDOM ahead!!!!



"When your ideal soul mate is more ideal than you, take steps towards making yourself a better person, too. Then through the infallible law of attraction, you will draw him or her to you!"



"Don't wait for that glorious moment when you save someones life. Start saving a life today by enjoying the one you have. Find your purpose in something simple."



"SOMETIMES NOT GETTING YOUR DREAM GIVES YOU YOUR DESTINY......

Doc Graham, in the film "Field of Dreams," got to play baseball for only five minutes. To him it wasn't a disaster...but being a doctor for only five minutes would have been."

"The biggest trap that keeps people from taking action is fear: fear of failure, fear of success, fear of rejection, fear of pain, fear of the unknown. The only way to deal with fear is to face it. Look it in the eye and take action.

Often we do not follow through because we don't know what we want, and when we do know, we are afraid to take action.

Ponder this y'all

HOW LONG WOULD YOU GIVE THE AVERAGE BABY TO LEARN HOW TO WALK BEFORE YOU DIDN'T LET HIM OR HER TRY ANYMORE?

WHY WOULDN'T YOU APPLY THE SAME FORMULA TO YOURSELF!!!"



"Everything we do in our lives is driven by our fundamental need to avoid pain and our desire to gain pleasure; both are biologically driven and constitute a controlling force in our lives.



We will do far more to avoid pain than we will to gain pleasure. Pain is the greater motivator in the short term.

Whatever your procrastinate, it's because you think that taking action would Be more painful than doing nothing or not taking action. Conversely, sometimes it reverses on you!"





You know Socrates once wisely said, "The life which is unexamined is not worth living." A shot out to Socrates, I agree my friend! :)



My thoughts on a relationships. Not relationshits ;) lol



The quality of your relationships is in direct proportion to the amount of yourself you are able to share. Sharing produces a synergy where one plus one equals more than two.



Total last RANdoM thought:



Lets go GOLFING..you and me ok?





Ok... we are at a fantastically green golf course off the coast of Florida, in our little but super speedy golf cart!!

LoL, You have a nice polo shirt on, shorts, and spiffy golf shoes on. I have well whatever the hell lady golfers wear on. Maybe not...I am not a fan of women's golf attire soooooo, I have on Nike golf shoes shorts, and a bright blue fitted polo! OH and a ball cap, remember ladies this is golf, it is not a fashion show...however are we gonna make it look good? Y to the Yes!

The ice cold beer is sitting in our speedy cart, mine is gone, and I am looking forward to my next ice cold brewski!! I mean come on...8 hours with some tiny ass ball, a stick for a club, and a hole so small you need a six foot flag in it so you know where the hell to aim!! Hence a fast cart, hot date, cold beer, and beautiful course may make this all worth my while! :) All in good humor and of course I am kidding.

I used to work at a golf course...and it was beautiful! I cannot WAIT to someday take up the sport of golf, and I know I will find it entertaining and rewarding! I would love to even walk the course, and drink just water! Solo is good, or in the company of someone special someday would be ideal.

Ok sooo we are playing 18 holes and I turn to you and say....



"Kiss me, hot stuff" (Assuming I am with a man) LoL just kidding! I say, " Want to bet 10 cents a hole, and double it each hole?" You say, "?"



If your my husband you would say "no" because I hope I have better judgement than to marry a man who does not understand this simple little thing called "compounding." (Unless we are millionaires, and have millions to burn. Whoever lost could take the winnings and donate to their favorite chairty.)



For kicks let's pretend my husband is dumb as rocks, but gawd I love him and he is an amazing man, and that my friends means more to me than him knowing what compounding is. ;) Sheeeesh and you thought I was shallow!! LoL



So my dumb pretend hubby says "Ok sure little lady, lets bet 10 little cents each hole, and double it each hole thereafter."



Lets say by some "off chance" I win the game! Remember I am buzzed and never golfed...if I win my husband has got serious issues, and should NEVER golf with his buddies! LOL



Well, if you play 18 holes, bet ten cents, double it each hole, then the last hole will be worth 13, 107.20!! Yeah little dime turned into some major bills eh??



That is compounding, if your not willing to take a dime out of a dollar today, you won't be any more likely to take a hundred thousand out of a million later. One that note...can I borrow a dollar? LoL, jk!



Smoke on that,



Cc

-Life is very much like photography-you develop from the negatives. I am learning and growing in abundance, and hope to continue to evolve everyday for the rest of my life.



Laugh for the day...



I mean why not invent a line of condoms that:



A. Are environmentally friendly



-And-



B. Why not call them the..."Darth Vader Condom...I Will Not Be Your Father". LoL that was a total random joke. I actually read it on a joke application I have on my phone-but I generously integrated the environmental friendly part-which was a fact that was in another joke on that application.



Alright then...I am done justifying my awful jokes now.



It is ten minutes until five and I am ready to go home, get my puppy dog (who now has a parole officer-bad ass) and go take him to my, "Someday I pray you will like human beings" training class.



My last few random thoughts for the day...



-Any relationship based on need is called a relation-shit, and is doomed for failure, and any relationship that is based on playfulness leads to legendary love and passionate ecstasy. Make it fun.



-Do not borrow people's energy...but become their energy.



Peanut butter...it's time... Sincerely, Jelly

Life is beautiful (La vita e’ bella). I have been absent from writing for quite some time now. The thought that maybe I am not very good at it seems to have taken sneaky residence in my heart.

I evicted that thought today and rightfully so. Seeing how that thought never did pay me any good. My writing makes me happy, it’s always there. My writing may never make any sense, or be grammatically toned to the liking of other’s…but that’s ok.

It may always be filled with imaginative analogies, which most individuals will never get. Like if I was a loaf of bread… my writing’s would be a soft, warm, and oven-baked slice of whom I am.

If you do not connect with that analogy I would be happy to break it into bread crumbs for you. My writing comes straight from my warm heart. Served with a fresh side of “random” and, another tasty little side dish I like to call, “tangent.”

You see…I do not regret anything in my past (I learn from it); I only regret what I don’t do.

Just like a camera captures amazing moment’s… moment’s that most do not see until it is a picture, my writing expresses word’s…word’s that most of you would never otherwise hear come from me. Its quiet when I write… and the paper does not interject derailing me off the track’s of my heart.

I had a quiet Sunday night tonight, and there was a moment where I walked out with my best furry dog friend to sit on my dark porch. Sounds scary I know, however it was anything but scary…it was beautiful. I looked up at the plethora of illuminatingly bright shiny little star’s that blanketed the entire night sky…and took a deep breath.

No I did not inhale…I am a non-smoker. J Just a refreshingly clean Colorado air deep kind of breath.

The prayer came out of my heart with no thought, or effort on my part. I prayed for the strength to let go of the things I never really ever had. They were never rightfully mine, but I wanted them more than I could ever tell you.

These things… there are two of them, and it is only for my heart to know what, or who they were. I have no tangible proof either ever existed. Maybe it is the most magical relationships, or experiences that leave us with nothing to show for them, but unexplainably sweet memories. I say…bittersweet.

In life now I have reached a place where I harbor no regrets…because I gave it my all. I may never be a FOX big shot, and I may never skip again...like we did. I will though be loud, silly, and energetically passionate little me. When it comes to skipping… there will be that one memory of a perfect skip that time cannot touch, and with a person I will cherish forever.

LA VITA E’ BELLA…so I will spread my broken wings and F~L~Y.

“Please prepare for take-off, and get ready for one hell of an incredible landing.” -me

Friday January 28^th, 2011

I was not worried about getting my hair done, clothes on, make-up done, kids dressed, snacks packed, homework signed, dog fed, dog water filled, breakfast ready, and or any of the plethora of things that cross my mind on a typical Friday morning.

I did what I could do in the very moment that I had, and I did not fret about the next moment ahead.  I was not in a jiffy to get to my next destination-for once.  I can just simply recall the smile that graced my face as I drove west, feeling the warmth of the sun kissing my face.

“I am so proud of you, I love you, and have a fantastical day sweeties”!  Those were the words I happily shouted as my little ones bounced out of the car, and headed off for their school day.  I was happy.

I drove down the freeway heading towards the news station, and had no expectation of my day.  My to-do list was full of gerenda and other urgent tasks, but I was not going to let the stresses of work etiolate me today. 

I walked into work with yet again exceptional sufferance, I would again be one who would outlast, endure, and handle the negative hardship of the environment in which I professionally resided in.  You see I love, and I mean love my job.  However life would not be life, unless with bliss came a side serving of sour apples.

Currently my side dish of sour, tart, and just downright rotten apples sits directly to the left of my desk.  I have exuded an irenic approach to this individual, in return only to realize once an apple has gone sour…it might just take an act of God to get it to someday be sweet again-if it ever was!

With my age comes wisdom… so this sour apple co-worker of mine can thank her lucky stars I am such a wise sage.  Trust me...there have been moments where I want to go Uma Thurman “Kill Bill” style on her ass (not in a killing way, more as in the scene where Uma Thurman confidently kicks major chick butt).

 The whistle ringtone from Kill Bill on my cell phone seems to be meeting that need just fine.  There is no time or place for this elementary behavior; I have a business to run, kids to raise, dog poops to pick up, and basil to grow. *smile or chuckle here*

I did my work, answered emails, prepared to meet my client’s objections, and happily four hours later scooted my fanny right on out of there.  I left the station at one in the afternoon, and dashed off to go present to my client.

The first meeting I had with this client he rescheduled, the second meeting I walked in and he was having a “crazy” afternoon, and asked if I could come back tomorrow-no problem.   So here I was fresh in the moment of tomorrow, and this was it.  Three times and then I will let you come to me.  Don’t pull my chain, and do not waste my time.

Personal…yeah it is personal.  Time away from my kids is personal, and I take it serious.  I had a wonderful meeting with my client, and the proposal is still on the table.  However my campaign is tasty, and my client is hungry, and he will bite. Here fishy, fishy, fishy.

I left there with a gregarious feeling, and happily headed to the car dealership to go get my oil changed.  I pulled up to the dealership and exactly stated what I wanted with a smile on my face.

It went a little something like this:

“Hi…yes I need my oil changed, and tires rotated please.  You see last time I was here I had asked to get my tires rotated and they did not do it.  That is fine.  However, today I need them rotated…thank you.”

They said sure thing, gave me my little buzzer thing and I went to go sit in the lounge.  There in the lounge was this blue eyed little boy who was absolutely adorable.  He was with his Daddy, and this little guys name was Jonathan.  He immediately captured my attention.

He was the only person in that waiting area that seemed refreshingly alive.

It had looked as if Jonathan and his Dad had been sitting and waiting for their car for quite some time, and little 2 year old Jonathan had had enough!  LoL!  I sat down and I smiled and waved to the little guy, and he locked eyes with me.

He got off the black leather couch he was sitting in, put his little feet on the floor, and walked right over to me.  He did not say a word; he just stared right at me and smiled.  I was taken aback by his refreshingly beautiful blue eyes and keen interest he had with me.  My mind automatically defaulted to the only set of blue eyes that were burned in my memory…Luke.

I quickly dismissed that thought out of my head, and focused on the very moment I was in.  I was sitting there when I remembered I had received a sucker from my bank the last time I went, and it was still in my purse.  So I dug around in my black hole of a purse and politely asked his father if I could give Jonathan the sucker I had-he smiled and said, “Yes”.

Jonathan’s eyes illuminated with joy when he saw the sucker, and I immediately became this little boy’s best friend.  He looked and pointed at my phone, laptop, planner, purse, laptop bag, and his favorite… my pen.  His curiosity was fascinating and fun to watch. I found myself missing having a little tyke.  Their wonder and discovery are truly amazing to witness.

My playful fun environment came to a halt when the service dude came trotting over to me.  He said, “Christy Mahaney” and I said “Yo Sup-ova here brotha”.  LoL, no I just said, “That’s me”, and smiled (wishing in my head that this guy covered in oil would have been Brad Pitt hot-lol).  Long story short the dude and I talked shop-literally.

I am no fool, and I know how to handle these men.  So he breaks it down for me, and I asked him an abundant amount of questions.  Per this dudes recommendation I decided to replace an air filter on my car that was totally cashed, and I said to Andrew aka the dude, “Out the door how much for the air filter”?  He replied, “20 bucks”.  I said, “Ok replace just that”. 

I looked around and realized my little friend Jonathan had left while Andrew the mechanic was trying to swindle me into some bullshit repairs.  I was bummed, now all that was left in this modern car dealership waiting room was me, my buzzer, and my Keva juice.  What the heck is a girl with ADD supposed to do in this drab waiting room now? LoL

Ten minutes later my handy dandy bizzer buzzer goes off like some quarter slot machine that had just hit a jackpot in Vegas.  I mean this little buzzer thing was loud, vibrated, and lit up.  I went from sitting quietly, to looking like I had myself a huge ass 1990 pager with lights, and with a small sound system in it.

So I casually and classfully (new word I made up), stroll over to pay my balance as I act like my annoyingly loud blinking pager is cool, and not bothering me.  LoL

Well…things kinda got oily.  Get your tools out boys…I will show you what you can screw, cause you won’t screw this hen.

 This nice lady prints up my balance owed and says, “That will be 42.87”.  I replied, “I am sorry, however Andrew and I had spoke earlier about the cost of this-out of the door.  It was supposed to be within the vicinity of 20 dollars.  Can I speak to Andrew please?  I will not be paying anymore than what we had previously agreed.  If you need to take the filter off my car, and put my old one back on-so be it.”

She kindly said, “I will go find Andrew right now and see what happened.”  I literally stood there for 5 minutes, when guess who came back?  Not Andrew!  The nice lady came back and said, “Oh he accidently made a mistake…he fixed it.”

I thought hey things happen that is fine whatever.  Sooo…the beat goes on.  Well I am no mechanic, but I am not stupid.  You see, before I dropped the car off I marked my tires.  I knew I wanted to get them rotated, and I wanted to make sure I got just that.

So…they swing my car up and park it where I can see it.  I am standing reading what the mechanic did, and I said to the nice lady, “I will be right back”.  I walked out to my car and I checked my tires.  They had not moved a damn inch!  My personal pissed off gage when from cool to hot.

I went back in and I looked on the paperwork. In two spots it stated that the tires were rotated.  Houston we have a problem. 

I was just lied to!  I was just taken for a dumb blonde, and in my head I wanted to rotate that mechanic right out of a job (lol only in thought…I never would get him fired).  I said to the nice lady, “Could you please get me your Service Manager”?

Stephen came over (Service Manager) and I executed the finest speech any intelligent woman ever could.  It was heartfelt-not emotional, yet educated-smart, direct and bottom line.  I put my paper on the counter, and circled the dollar amount on the estimate they had printed (estimate for work they said I needed done next time, and it was in the thousands). 

I circled it and I looked Stephen in the eyes and I said, “Do you think as a customer I am going to come back and confidently spent thousands of dollars in your shop, because honestly I am not feeling to assured that the work might even get done if I bring it back here”.

He said, “I agree, but whatever I can do to make this right…I will be happy to do”.  I said, “So this lying mechanic you have back there…next time I come to get an oil change… I will be bringing this paper and I will request his sticky hands do not touch my car.”

Stephan said, “The next time you come here, that will never happen, and Christy you personally can drop and leave your car with me.  I am so embarrassed how our mechanic lied to you.  Now what can I do to make this right”? In my head I was thinking, “Do I have enough leverage to negotiate them giving me a brand new sweet looking ride”?  I snapped back into reality quickly. LoL

I said, “Look what would have made this right would have been your twisted mechanic rotating my tires as I had requested.  If he did not have time, I would not have minded coming back but lying is very unprofessional.  I appreciate you taking due diligence and concern with fixing this problem at hand; however, I do not have time to have my tires rotated now.  You can pick up the cost of the air filter and we can call it a day.”

Oh I was one pissed off pepper.  So they paid my bill, hooked me up with free car washes and I zoomed out of there.  I called my parents and vented like one hot fuel injector.  I knew my front brakes were in the red zone, and so was my state of mind.  Thank heaven for my amazing parents who are the coolant to my over heated radiator, bringing me back to my happy place. LoL

I looked at my phone later that evening…

I saw a message sitting on my phone…ironically from a dear friend who used to work at this car dealership.  It said:

Hey Christy,

I read your post on Valentine’s Day and for some reason it struck a chord with me, as some how you usually make me think about something.  But seriously, I would never picture you to feel like you needed a man in your life.  I would imagine that a man would be a bit of an obstruction for you, to slow you down.  I mean really what man could ever really keep up with you?  I have always thought of you as too independent for someone to handle.  I mean if you really wanted a man, I would imagine that would not be exactly difficult for you.  Fact:  You are an amazing woman.  Just something I have noticed from the little time that we have personally interacted, and our over the internet friendship.  I think in here somewhere I am trying to say, feeling alone does suck, but keep your head up.  You will find that which compliments so well sooner or later.  You are pretty awesome, ask around. J  Take care my friend, just wanted to drop two cents, hope all is well, you will be just fine.  I promise.

I had had a long day, and I could not invest much thought into figuring out this message, but it is always nice to hear from a friend out of the blue. Then not shortly after that I got a text message from an old friend who I have not seen in years. It said:

“Over heard a rumor about you and how amazing you are.  I am so proud of you, and the challenges you have overcome.  Christy you’re the epitome of a great woman.  I am flattered to know you.”

Wow…what an amazing message to receive, and it lifted my spirits.

So then I get home, and I look at my front porch and see a huge box!  I got soooo excited LOL!  You see I was like, oh my goodness someone sent me a surprise! I had never seen a big box that huge, and I was thrilled!

I brought it inside and looked at the label.  It was not for me.  They totally delivered this amazing big box to the wrong house.  Talk about epic bummer, but I knew right then I had the opportunity to make someone else’s day!  I had the chance to get this box back to the rightful owner!

UPS delivered it, and it was from Game Stop.  It said that it was a Play Station 3 gaming system.  I was like wowwww!  I asked a few neighbors, and nobody knew of this person whom it was addressed to.  It was addressed to a “Kimberly Johnson” but it had my address.

Anyhow, I called the UPS customer service and they were thrilled by my honesty.  I thought to myself who would I be to not do the right thing.  I mean look how upset I felt when I got lied to earlier today!  Doing the right thing is the only option.

The lady on the phone explained to me that these kind of things happen a lot.  Most of the time if it is of value people just keep them, and the individual who purchased it is SOL!  She said…I must have been raised right, and that they admired my honesty.  I am not going to lie…I am human and a little voice whispered in my head, “Just keep this…nobody will ever have to know-Score”! LoL

I did not listen to that voice…and UPS are coming to pick it up Tuesday, it’s Friday.  Well I have written enough, and this day needs to come to an end.  Plus I have some serious Play Station time to squeeze in before Tuesday…LOL just kidding!

I think I am losing my best friend…What the Bic?  Where is the flame?  He always lighted the match, but never the candle.  I want closure, but I do not like how losing your closest friend feels. 

I will find peace in knowing I may have had a crazy day…but I will find grateful appreciation in knowing I gave my best.

Some of us get dipped in flat, some of us in satin, some of us in gloss…every once and awhile you find someone who’s iridescent, and when you do, nothing will ever compare.

Enough of my random thoughts and whimsical writing, it is time for bed.

Putting it in park-Cc

Diamonds are girl’s best friend? Hmmm…never had a real diamond but I have had a real best friend, and he was better than any million dollar perfect clarity diamond out there. However diamonds last longer than we sure did. Cut that one Princess.

I have not written on my blog in quite some time…and the simple truth is I miss it. When I write… I write for me, from my heart, and I guess you could say I write like nobody is reading it.

I have been going through some very tough emotions, and I am tapping into my reserves for extra strength. You see I have been keeping myself very busy…trying to keep my mind off someone very important to me.

I have not progressed far enough in my healing to inform anyone yet about the details of our story. I will tell you this though; he taught me what true friendship with a man is like. Sadly on that same note that was all he taught me. He hurt more than he taught me.

We built our “whatevership” on a solid foundation. We slowly trusted each other over time, and although life did not allow us to be inseparable, we would have been if things were different.

I do not remember the fancy words people say, but I will forever remember the way people made me feel. Case in point; when I arrived home after a long two week business trip and I walked into my house and saw he had a plethora of blue post it’s everywhere…I WAS GREGARIOUSLY STOKED!

That feeling I can recall like it was yesterday, I smiled and cherished those darn post it’s to a degree by which I could never fully express to you. Another feeling that swept me away was when he called…yup just a simple call. We talked everyday via text, but for him to take the time to call me…well it totally made my day.

I never got to see him, so hearing his voice made me glow. He fixed the stereo in my car for me, he skipped with me, he sat on a brick wall looking over the city with me, and he knew me. I remember this one evening when he took me to dinner, (we only went to dinner 3 times in 2.5 years-sad) and when he came to pick me up fireworks were going off in the distance! We stood on my balcony for a moment and watched them, then dinner, and then after dinner we stood and made a wish at this little water fountain thingy.

I got two pennies out of my purse and told him to make a wish; I made my wish in the water. He made a wish, and then he threw it in but missed! We laughed and that is a moment and feeling I remember quite often. You see when you do not get those moments often you cherish the ones you do get… forever.

It is the simple and normal things I was denied, and so it was precisely those things that I hold so dear to my heart. Plus he did not have one romantic bone in his body (yeah I just said that)…he was a emotionally closed off guy.

“Love” good old unconditional love is a value to be actualized. Love the “feeling” is the fruit of love the verb. Yeah…I went Dr. Phil on yo ass! I know deep shit eh? Meaning that love the feeling can only exist by the sweet fruits of one’s labor/actions.

For the last year and more in the last six months of that year, I have felt forgotten, pushed aside, used, and like just another girl. I am not just another girl; I am the girl who gave my all. My actions aligned with my heart, and my behaviors told my truth.

My feelings ran deep; his feelings for me were unrequited. I got snapshots of his feelings for me, but he always left me to assume-Men-don’t do this cause girl will bounce! Assumption is the poison that kills relationships. I may be wrong when I say his feelings for me were not returned in the same way/degree that mine were for him. However…he never showed me, he never acted on it, so I am gone with the wind baby.

Your life is a product of your decisions, not your conditions. His conditions are not changing because he decided not to change them. I decided to change mine though. I know my worth…I must have never been worth enough to make the tough decisions he always tip toed around-but I am worth it, he is just not worthy of me (not being egotistical being confidently certain of what I know I deserve).

He will never understand why I left…simply because he NEVER OPENED UP, and exposed his feelings like I did. So he is safe in his redundantly stagnant ill waters he chooses to reside in.

From the very start I have always missed him, and as time went on I missed him more. He made a huge thumb print on my heart, and I cannot get rid of it and have stopped trying to get rid of it now. He does not deserve me…the passionate, faithful, fun, positive, successful, happy, and smoking hot good hearted woman like me. J (“EGO check on isle 9 please!” can you tell somebody got their feelers hurt-me)LoL

There is a time when God makes the pain sweat out of every pore on your body, forcing you to look at the stink you have entangled yourself in. You cannot ignore it…because everyone around you knows you’re a mess.

That is the point where you realize you forgot to write your own programming, and instead forgot self to live out the program someone else had given you. When the stench is this putrid there is only one thing to do…”take it to the mattresses”. LoL.



I take full responsibility. It was and is inconsiderate of me to blame him for my hurt. My heart took over and all logic and reason went straight out the door. Only after a year of neglect (kinda dramatic-lol), the pain was so far from diminutive that it took over my natural positive happy sunshine little self. Hence why I left (bounced), and now considering becoming a raging lesbian. Jk jk I like men….Real men, not boys.

No matter what I did, or no matter what I do the end result will painful. But I would rather hurt, and heal, rather than hurt and deal. Hurt and deal has no end, and I as his dear friend do him no favor by allowing him to keep pretending his life is turtle wax shiny perfect. Should I stay in something that was not mine to be in, or leave something I never had? Yeah it was messy…but he was legendary, and I will take this one straight up with no regrets baby. Just won’t re-new my unhealthy bitch card this year…J

Relationshits…suck.

As you were,

Cc

Daniel Son,

I hope you like my Karate Kid theme so far. Just so you know...yes I can precisely execute and deliver the best karate kid kick ever. Oooohhh yeah...arms up, one leg up, and highhhhh-YA!







I stubbled upon this Karate Kid theme because this morning I had an appointment at a very nice high end waxing facility. Now if you are male your intricate brain has already automatically defaulted to the industry of automobiles. Male brain thinks: "Christy must have had a very important business meeting this morning with Turtle Wax." lol

If you are female (go on...go ahead it's OK...you can check which gender you are), then your brain most likely automatically defaulted to the hairless industry of beauty maintaince.

Well ladies...chop your suey cause noodles over rice you are right!! I visited a very nice establishment where their bottom line is to make sure you have no hair anywhere near your bikini line and beyond. :)

 

Now this fine establishment does not forget the male gender (all the men in the room pound there chest and grunt), if fact if you are male and you are hairier than Big Foot than with all do respect go give your self a WAX JOB!! For the love of wax-manscape!!

It is just my opinion but men with hairy faces (beard), and or a man with a hairy chest yeah ummm...I simply "Can't touch this" (imagine me pointing to a man with an abundant amount of hair residing on his chesticles).

Now for the ladiessss...this fine establishment can wax you from your pretty little head, all the way down to your hairy big toe. So yes eyebrows, chin, lip, well you catch my follicle on where this is growing right?

Well it is quite a lovely place and I will be going back to get my free treatment...so if the next time you see me I have absolutely no hair on my body then you can rest assured that I found a very high fascination with waxing.

What the pluck,

Christy