The pursuit of authentic happiness is no easy feat. Some individuals happily choose to keep residence in the safe redundant life they have always known. This life of repetitive behaviors, leaves many to be found on the dance floor of destruction.
Then there are individuals who are stuck in a righteously violent internal war within themselves.
One side of this person is locked and loaded ready to face uncertainty dead in the eye, without one drip of fear. No matter what the naysayers boast. The other side of this internal conflict is the side that finds safety in keeping residence in what they have always known. Sadly this person usually stays stangnant in this complex war.
After all it is safer to swim gallantly where the waves do not break. However, true and absolute greatness comes after you swim through the waves of destruction.
I have been washed up, spit out, and left beat to all hell laying lifeless on the shores of my life. I have not yet swam pass where the waves break, but I have learned many tactics and strategies to finally survive and surpass this bitch.
War looks into the mirror and war looks back out. The consciousness of war can create only war. Until you, or I change the consciousness of war in ourselves, we will live in this internal war within ourselves.
Competition and war sprout from the same source which is external power. The only difference between competition and war is the amount of violence allowed. In war there is no limit, sadly the same story is read for self destruction. When we silently compete, and compare ourselves we plant a internal seed of war within ourselves.
When you are laying washed up on shore beat to hell, and tired of finding ways that do not work that is when you make the conscious realization you need more than just survival skills to break through these waves of struggle.
I would be like Bill Clinton to sit here and deny the truth. So I can proudly say that life has brought me many tormenting experiences that in the past have frightened parts of my personality.
I knew damn well I could not change myself without challenging those parts of my personality I so desperately needed to change. When those parts go unchallenged they go unchanged.
I am the strong passionate woman I am today because I healed those wounds on my personality. I do not need a man to feel good, or a drink, or 3,000 friends on Facebook to remain certain in self happiness I now own. Happiness is a inside job, and I've been workin it.
In life there are never still waters, but you will always remember the epic swim you swam to break through and pass the point at which the waves fiercely break. It will be the battle that defines the path of your destiny.
I would like to close on this...
I have changed who I am, and I attract people with my new values and perceptions, while old friend's and collectives gladly fall away. I feel like I am shedding a irritatingly dry layer of dead skin. It's uncomfortable at times when this layer is being shed. The permanence of beauty of this skin shed, will result in an illuminating and refreshingly healthy glow.
I know there is a saying that goes something a little like this, "Anger only punishes it's keeper." I also know fear keeps close company with pain. I have replaced anger with gentle patience, and I am no longer burdened or attracted to those who ride the "Destination Nowhere Anger Train." I have recently lost what I thought was a dear friend, only now to gratefully see the layers shed have exposed the truth of this person's true colors.
I am no longer attracted to anger, and this person who harbor's rage is no longer attracted to me, because I have no further need of rage...but this person she does. My absence from writing on my blog has been due to many trial's and tribulations I have encountered. I have only a few struggles left, and I take great heart in knowing this too shall pass. I just pray for strength and guidance. The Christy forecast still calls for severe struggle, and a slight chance of pain. But hell, life has bitten me many times before so I ain't backin down!
I have had something very important in my pocket, and it is usually always across my face...so it's about time through these struggles, that I take it out and put it on it's my great big smiling face!
Looks like life dealt me some lemons, I am going to make the best damn orange juice with these lemons and leave 'em wondering how the hell I did it. :)
I do believe a bounty of smiles await me...;)
Bar none~ Cc
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